Full time mummy? ….so what?

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So, you have a baby, maybe something that you both have tried very hard for, perhaps for years. Or maybe, it just happened….. nothing planned, and either way, your world is turned upside down. Suddenly you have a little person totally depending on you for EVERYTHING !!!

I am feeling compelled to write about this, purely because of the recent numbers of mums that have been chatting to me about the “guilt” of being a stay home mum. No sooner than their child is about to crawl, or is willing to go to another adult, they are receiving comments from people as to when are they going back to work? Then almost with a look of disapproval from the enquirer when they say “actually I’m not!”

I am not saying it is for everyone, and some mum’s need the work place, and make far better parents than if they stay at home up to their eyes in juggling feeds and sleep times. Some mums have great careers, studied for years to get to the top of their game. For some, sadly it is the reality of financially not being able to make ends meet. I understand that one. For me personally, financially I should have gone back, goodness knows we needed the money and a child is expensive! But adding up the cost of child care, holidays, petrol to get to work, dry cleaning bills, stress, lunch, well actually I didn’t even do the sums, because for me personally when I held my daughter, I just knew I couldn’t face leaving her with a stranger. No amount of money would ever pay for me not to be at the school gate, or miss her first whatever, be it waving, walking, and the highs and lows.
One thing I have learned though ….no matter what you do, stay at home, go to work, work for yourself…..whatever choices we make, I guess we always feel guilty, and really all we can do is the best we can and maybe spare a thought for that mummy who has had to make a hard decision and not make mummys feel guilty for whatever choice they make!

Help your child to talk to different people – Toddler one year to two and a half

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Many children struggle to communicate. According to the charity ICAN one in ten children need long term support, with 2 to 3 students having significant communication difficulties. They say over 1 million children in the UK have communication difficulties!!! That needs to be said again…OVER 1 MILLION !!!! OK, so if you are reading this….just think for  just a moment how hard it must be and how frustrating if you were not able to make people understand what you are saying? You are a child, totally depending on someone else to take care of you, and you cannot be understood! Maybe you have just started school or nursery and you are not understood. No wonder kids have temper tantrums!!!

So what can we do as parents to ensure that we have helped our little people as best we can to communicate with different people? Read on……

Most toddlers find it so difficult to communicate with strangers that someone familiar has to translate both sides of any conversation! In early childhood, though, your child will begin to understand what new people say directly to him, and will often be able to make them understand him, too, if they are trying to and he is not burying a shy face in your shoulder. Help him to get the most out of every conversation that comes his way. The more confident he feels of understanding and being understood, the better he will manage social situations with peers and adults now, and as he moves into school.

Like babies, toddlers have an in-built interest in human voices and a natural tendency to listen. You can build on this as you did earlier.

  • Talk as much and as often as you can directly to your toddler and try to make some of these private conversatons between you and him. If you are talking, or reading, to him and an older sibling, he will not get as much repetition and  explanation as he can use as he would get it if alone with you. Look at him while you talk. Let him see your face and gestures.
  • Let the toddler see what you mean, by matching what you do to what you say.”Off with your shirt” you say, taking it off over his head;” now your shoes” removing them.
  • Let the toddler see what you feel by matching what you say with your facial expressions. This is no age for teasing (what age is?). If you give him a big hug whilst saying “who’s Mummy’s great horrible grubby monster then?” you will confuse her. Your face is saying “Who’s Mummy’s fantastic boy?”
  • Help your child to realise that all talk is communication. If you chat away to yourself without waiting for a response or looking as if you want one;or if you don’t bother to answer when he or another member of the family speaks to you, he is bound to feel that words are just meaningless sounds.

 

Source: Penelope Leach – Vice President of the Health Visitors’ Association

 

 

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Helping your baby to listen, understand, and talk…6 months to 1 year

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Music can help your baby with their speech, and particularly coming to classes each week, encourages uninterrupted attention and a lot of face to face attention with you and your baby.Why is this important regarding speech? Read on ….

Lots of loving, interesting, two-way talk is the best overall help that you can give to your baby’s language development, but there is talk which is positively useful and talk which is less useful. Consider the following suggestions:

Talk directly to your baby. He cannot pay attention and listen carefully to general conversation. If he is in a room with his whole family and everybody is talking, he will be lost in a sea of sound. You say something and he looks at you, only to find that your face is turned away to his sister. Sister replies, brother interrups with a half finished sentence that ends in an expressive shrug, and meanwhile somebody else has started a side conversation and the television has been switched on. Third or fourth children, especially in families where the children are born close together, are often actually delayed in their language learning because they get so little opportunity for uninterrupted on-to-one conversation with adults. Even if you are coping with a baby, a toddler and a four year old who never stops asking “why?”, try to find at least some times when you can talk to the baby alone.

Don’t expect him to learn much language from strangers, or as much from a succesion of caregivers, as he will from you and other people who are special to him. Babies learn the meanings of words by hearing them over and over again in different sentences and with varying tones of voice, facial expressions and body language from the speaker. The more familiar he is with the person who is talking, the more likely he is to understand. Even at the toddler stage he may be quite unable to understand a stranger’s words because the accompanying expressions and tones of voice are strange to him.

Think carefuly before you employ a caregiver who is not fluent in your language. A nanny or housekeeper cannot model good speech for your baby unless she is fluent herself. If everything else about her seems exactly right, you might consider employing her on the understanding that she uses her own language with your baby who will therefore be brought up bilingually.

Make sure that you use the key labelling words when you talk. The baby is going to single out label words which continually recur in different sentences like that label word shoes. So when the two of you are hunting under the bed, make sure that you say “oh where are your shoes?” rather than,”Oh where are they?” The child’s own name is a vital label for him to learn. He will not think of himself as “me” or “I”. English grammer makes pronouns extremely difficult for a child to learn because the correct word depends on who is speaking. I am “me” to myself, but I am “you” to you. So at this stage, you use his name label too. Don’t feel embarrassed because it is “baby talk”. “Where’s a biscuit for John?“  you can say as you rummage in the biscuit tin. It will mean much more to him than, “Where’s one for you?”

If you pretend not to understand your baby unless he says something “properly”, you are doing worse than boring your  baby; you are cheating him. He has communicated with you; said something and made you understand his meaning. He has therefore used a piece of language. If you refuse to acknowledge it, you spoil the flow of his language in favour of mere words. Furthermore he may not be able to produce the “correct” word, because that word has not evolved for him yet. If his own word is the best that he has to offer, rejecting it will hinder rather than help him. After all, it is pleasure, affection and excitement that motivate early speech. Refusing him his bottle until he says “milk” instead of “bah-boo” will make him frustrated and cross. You are more likely to get tears than words.

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Source: Penelope Leach – an expert in the field of child care and  development

“he” applies to “he” or “she” above

Mummy & Daddy of the Month February 2012

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This month features and a Mummy and a Daddy of the month (from different families) talking about motherhood and fatherhood.

At last I managed to catch up with lovely high flying yummy mummy Katrina who comes to Uttoxeter and when she is not “mummy” she is busy keep people safe and happy in the air!! So I asked her the following questions and this is what she said….

What’s it like trying to balance motherhood and flying?
You’ve got to be organised and it helps to have family that are close by that can be called upon at short notice.
Any funny or interesting stories to share re your flying trips? Have u met any famous people? Or any scary stories?
I used to fly on the longhaul fleet which was great, stopovers, mini holidays in the sun i.e. Barbados-uninterrupted sunbathing bliss!   Famous people I’ve flown with include Sir Bobby Robson, his son Bryan, Paul Scholes, The Chuckle Brothers!
I’ve had a scary landing as a passenger.  As we were about to
land in terrific winds in Dominican Republic, we touched the runway but then
climbed up again, not before striking the tail on the ground.  All eyes
were on the cabin crew who looked very worried as we did a go around and this
time landed ok.  All I can say is whatever is happening don’t show your
fear as everyone is watching the cabin crew all the time, so keep smiling!

I bet you have to be very organised with flying – have you any hot tips for parents when taking babies / toddlers/ older kids abroad? What should
they not take? The children, ha ha, a joke!  Make sure you have new toys wrapped up in your hand luggage, that way you can keep them occupied and introduce something new when the boredom kicks in.

Any hot tips about packing? Any luggage u think people should take.? Buy the kids the new craze, the Trunkie!  You can pack their things in there for the flight and it doubles up as a seat too.  Pack as light as possible.

As a well travelled mummy what country would you think is a great place to takes kids and why?    The Greek islands are great for children, the Greeks love them and make a real fuss.  Spain and the Balearic islands all cater for families and are only a 2 and a half hour flight away.

Being a mummy is quite a journey… What have you learned about yourself?   I can’t be perfect all the time, somethings have to wait.  I try to grab a little bit of me time, even if its just sitting for 5 minutes on my own with a cuppa!

Air Hostesses always seem perfect when it comes to their make up … Have you any tips ? A good foundation is the best, it can hide a multitude of sins!  Drink lots of water as flying high and being a mummy is very dehydrating!

 If the plane landed on a tropical island and you were only allowed one item of make up what would it be?   Lipbalm-I can’t go a day without it.

Have you flown over the Bermuda Triangle? Do you know any true stories behind it ? Have u seen the Northern Lights? Never flown over the Bermuda Triangle, and sorry no I don’t know any stories behind it.  The Northern lights are very majical and pretty, and the best view of them is from the flight deck, as you can see them lit up all around you.

When you are not high flying and being a mummy what do you like to do? Have you any hobbies or things you want to do when you get time again? I love going to Zumba as I am a real fan of dance routines.  I enjoy reading books, dining out too when I get the opportunity.  I’d love a relaxing spa day if I get the chance to get some time to myself.

Any likes? Dislikes? Likes-being a mummy and family days out   Dislikes-people
with no manners

Many thanks Katrina for sharing your thoughts. For anyone flying spare a thought for the Cabin crew that perhaps have been awake half the night prior to flying with a sick child and they too feel jet lagged.

I caught up with our wonderful daddy (well his girl’s think so anyway) Chris Fox. He is the owner of O.W.L. which stands for Outdoor, Wisedom and Learning, a great place for children as young as three to go along and learn about the great outdoors. Take a peek at his website www.owlcraft.co.uk and as Chris runs things locally (Staffordshire) maybe something to go along to and have an adventure!!!

What one piece of advice would you give to a new dad?
Hope for the best and plan for the worst- and don’t expect much sleep for a while!

What was it like the first time you were left alone to look after your daughter without mummy there? Did you cope much better than you thought you would? Do you think you have natural instincts like mummy does?The first time was fine and I have always wanted to be hands on so I was right up for it.  I did cope better than I thought but I do think that dad’s have natural instincts that are different to mothers regardless of the 21st century and equality-that’s why I’m a dad and mum is a mum, we fill each others’ short falls to give the children the best care we can.

Do you think dads get a hard time being a dad? If so what can mummies do to ease the transition into fatherhood?Some dad’s do get a hard time in
some cases but this is usually because they still think that life will still be
the same as it was before the baby was born.  They’ve got to remember that
they now have a little person to look after who needs their help.

Tell me about OWL and why is it good for kids? How did you
become involved with it O.W.L. delivers Wilderness
living skills and Forest School (Wilderness living skills with an academic
tint) to the general public and schools.  It provides participants with
the chance to take part in activities and develop skills in a safe environment.
It re-awakens old traditions and allows them to become more confident,
self-sufficient and positive about life.  This used to be a hobby but now
I am truly fortunate to be making a living from it where I can support my
family with it too.

Have you any hobbies, or things you would like to do once
the girls grow up and you have more time? Watch a film in a single go.

As a former teacher, have you any advice for parents to do
with school, or before school, or for older kids or teaching kids? Personally- make sure that your child is happy at school and then focus on the academic stuff.

Whats your likes and dislikes?
Likes- My family then work.  Dislikes- Selfish and foolish people.

Why do you not like camping….lol…(you don’t have to
answer that)!!! Glamping- what’s the point!!!

Have you been on any scary bush holidays or places?
Not really, but others might have thought that they were.

As its nearly valentines day – any romantic ideas or things
to do that daddies to do for mummies?
If you can get a baby sitter than go out for the night!

Thanks Chris…nice to hear what a daddy has to say!!!!

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TV Review – Daddy Daycare

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Guess what? These men can't change nappies … Daddy Daycare.Imagine a TV programme about three women who are crap at DIY and are made to spend a week learning to put up shelves under the critical gaze of several competent male chippies, at the end of which they are marginally less crap at putting up shelves. If the idea even got as far as a commissioning meeting it would be laughed out for being far too dull and stupid – not to mention insulting to everyone concerned. Unless it was under consideration for Channel 5. So how anyone could possibly think that getting three useless blokes to work in a nursery for a week had legs is beyond me. But someone did and the result was Daddy Daycare(Channel 4).

It wasn’t the useless men who were the problem. In their own way, they were all good enough company for an hour. There was Garry, the hyperactive optician who had barely spent longer than five minutes with any of his kids; there was Jay, whose response to finding out his girlfriend was pregnant was to book a vasectomy; and then there was Stefan, the ex-squaddie who was frozen with terror at the prospect of his fiancee getting pregnant one day.

Nor was the problem the exclusively women staff of the Magic Roundabout nursery in Stockwell, all of whom have a nice line in dry observation. It was the sheer plodding inevitability of having to watch the men come to grips with changing nappies, failing to control a group of toddlers and looking generally bored before the minor Damascene conversion 10 minutes before the end, when they all realised kids weren’t as bad as all that.

Absentee fathers are a genuine social issue and well worth investigation, but Daddy Daycare managed to avoid anything of any depth. Rather than looking at the psychological and societal barriers that prevent men from being decent fathers, it treated fatherhood as a gameshow where all that was required was a bit of time and technique. It was only three-quarters of the way into the show that we learned Garry has MS and is terrified of slowing down in his job because he doesn’t know how much longer he will remain fully able, and that Stefan’s dad unexpectedly did a runner after 25 years of marriage and he was worried he might do the same. This was surely the starting point for a serious look at why these men were so child-phobic, not something to be casually dropped in late on.

More than this, though, the programme was equally insulting to women. Trying to understand why some men are so rubbish at childcare without examining their relationship with their partners is beyond stupid. Why did Lia have three children with a man who clearly didn’t want to spend time with the kids? Why did Nikki choose Jay to father her baby? Why was Claire so keen to have a baby with a man who so obviously didn’t want one? Why did we not see one of them seriously challenge their partner’s behaviour? This sort of dysfunctionality is a two-way process and failing to understand that there must be something in it for the women who choose to have a relationship with someone so unavailable is a huge miss. Still, the good news is that the men did become slightly more child-friendly; the bad news is there’s another episode next week.

Photograph: Adam Lawrence

Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2012/feb/15/tv-review-daddy-daycare

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daddy of the month – February 2012

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I caught up with our wonderful daddy (well his girl’s think so anyway) Chris Fox. He is the owner of O.W.L. which stands for Outdoor, Wisedom and Learning, a great place for children as young as three to go along and learn about the great outdoors. Take a peek at his website www.owlcraft.co.uk and as Chris runs things locally (Staffordshire) maybe something to go along to and have an adventure!!!

What one piece of advice would you give to a new dad?
Hope for the best and plan for the worst- and don’t expect much sleep for a while!

What was it like the first time you were left alone to look after your daughter without mummy there? Did you cope much better than you thought you would? Do you think you have natural instincts like mummy does?The first time was fine and I have always wanted to be hands on so I was right up for it.  I did cope better than I thought but I do think that dad’s have natural instincts that are different to mothers regardless of the 21st century and equality-that’s why I’m a dad and mum is a mum, we fill each others’ short falls to give the children the best care we can.

Do you think dads get a hard time being a dad? If so what can mummies do to ease the transition into fatherhood?Some dad’s do get a hard time in
some cases but this is usually because they still think that life will still be
the same as it was before the baby was born.  They’ve got to remember that
they now have a little person to look after who needs their help.

Tell me about OWL and why is it good for kids? How did you
become involved with it O.W.L. delivers Wilderness
living skills and Forest School (Wilderness living skills with an academic
tint) to the general public and schools.  It provides participants with
the chance to take part in activities and develop skills in a safe environment.
It re-awakens old traditions and allows them to become more confident,
self-sufficient and positive about life.  This used to be a hobby but now
I am truly fortunate to be making a living from it where I can support my
family with it too.

Have you any hobbies, or things you would like to do once
the girls grow up and you have more time? Watch a film in a single go.

As a former teacher, have you any advice for parents to do
with school, or before school, or for older kids or teaching kids? Personally- make sure that your child is happy at school and then focus on the academic stuff.

Whats your likes and dislikes?
Likes- My family then work.  Dislikes- Selfish and foolish people.

Why do you not like camping….lol…(you don’t have to
answer that)!!! Glamping- what’s the point!!!

Have you been on any scary bush holidays or places?
Not really, but others might have thought that they were.

As its nearly valentines day – any romantic ideas or things
to do that daddies to do for mummies?
If you can get a baby sitter than go out for the night!

Thanks Chris…nice to hear what a daddy has to say!!!!

Where does the time go? What can we learn from our kids?

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We are in to February already and I’ve been so busy planning my latest venture with Little Hands Messy play, that I missed the boat on a “Mummy of the Month for January”.  So I think because of this shortfall we will have to have two people for February, I think not only a Mummy of the Month but a Daddy or Grand Parent of the month too …..hmmmm who can be my next victim!!!

I have our February Mummy and at the moment she is high flying across the skies on various flights to the Canaries so when she gets back will give us all her news.

If anyone else would like to volunteer instead of becoming a victim then I’d love to hear from you…. in the meantime I’ll leave you with this thought from a great website Activity Villiage about what we can learn from our children……

 

What can we learn from our kids…

- It’s
more fun to colour outside the lines.What we can learn from our kids

- If you’re going to draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.

- Even Popeye didn’t eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
- If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t either.

- Sometimes you have to take the test before you’ve finished studying.

- If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.

- There is no good reason why clothes have to match.

- If the horse you’re drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.

- Save a place in lines for your friends.

- Just keep banging until someone opens the door.

- Making your bed is a waste of time.

- Make up the rules as you go along.

- It doesn’t matter who started it.

- Ask for sprinkles.

- Hang on tight.

- Ask “why” until you understand.

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Passing the time when your child is ill

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Nothing is more boring than being a child who is ill unless it is being that bored child’s mother or father. I’m taking this comment and article from the book “Your Growing Child” by Penelope Leach. I am a big fan of this lady after reading her book “Your Baby and Child”.

After my daughter was born, and for me knowing hardly anyone.. in.a town….no family near by, where could I turn to for help and advice? Well, I think the best place for me was reading and the best “manual for a mum” I could find was this particular book – fantastic and would definately recommend you either get it from the library (you could perhaps order it on line through the library or get it second hand) but it is definately well worth the read “Your Growing Child”. Both mums and dads should read this book

So getting back to the article she writes about an ill child she mentions, “She” in the following article applies to both “he” and “she”

If the illness is brief, a very bad cold perhaps,  you can help keep her happy and stay sane yourself if you resign yourself to a couple of days of reading aloud, board games or whatever the current passion may be. But if she is likely to be ill for much longer, measles perhaps, it is worth getting organised.

For your own sake cancel any engagements/work plans that are coming up. The more it matters to you that she should be well enough to go to her sitter/school by next Wednesday, the more the intervening days will drag. Try to think of things that will amuse you (or at least give you a sense of accomplishment) and amuse her too. She may enjoy you practicing the guitar or yoga, but she will not enjoy your reading or talking endlessly on the phone. Some mums de-clutter, or redecorate rooms whils companioning sick children. If most of your usual adult company is at your workplace, try to arrange a few visits from friends, too, so that you remember there is an adult world out there.

Here are some “Hot Tips” to help you both get through….

A “Being-ill” Box  This is a Treasure Trove brought out whenever (but only when the child is ill. She is allowed to know that it exists, but she never knows (unless she is ill three times in as many weeks in which case she may catch you out) exactly what is in it. If you are clever, such a box can become appropriate when a child is around eighteen months and stay much loved until she is old enough to occupy herself with a new library book. Obviously the box can contain anything you (or your child) like but it should contain a large number of items (so that just looking through it takes pleasant time) of sufficient variety that at least a few are likely to take her fancy at that particular moment. The items don’t all need to be new,

  • What should you put in the box?
  • The second and identical colouring book she received for her birthday.
  • Fairground/crackerjack junk the family has acquired..the cardboard doll that gave her pleasure at the time…pretty wrapping paper she can cutout, little boxes, jars
  • the Sunday suppliment full of photos of cars / horses
  • Spice the collection with small items which you buy when it catches your eye, pencils, miniture playing cards etc
  • if you want to make it more elaborate, buy wholesale “tiny toys” – look on ebay on wholesale or 1p penny buys

If you do run a box like this, make sure you try to remember to sort it out after each bout of illness because otherwise it will become an unattractive jumble next time it is wanted. Remember to keep it stocked too, preferably by adding bits and pieces to it during the summer months when (hopefully) it is little used.

The above applies to younger children….when I get time, Ill blog on what to do for the older ill child.

Any suggestions for items to add to the box?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mum of the month November 2011

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Each month will feature a mum from music, and what better way to start it off than to feature Claire  and a huge big thanks to both herself and Tim her husband for all their painstaking effort in trying to help me finally get this website out to the world.  Tim owns Thunderhat Web Design in Staffordshire, I definitely recommend Tim, and lets support local businesses,  (have a look at his website when you get a minute!) or if you want to chat to me in class about it please do so.

Anyway, back to Claire, (Sorry Tim it’s mums time now!) the page is over to you……

What would you like to say to the world? Tell us something about yourself…maybe about motherhood / your girls / your job ???

I’m 31, have lived in Staffordshire most of my life, but spent three years living in Birmingham while I did my degree in English, Drama and Education Studies.  I’m married to Tim, who I met at school, and we have two beautiful daughters, the eldest is 3 and the youngest will celebrate her first birthday this Christmas Eve (yes, excellent timing – but at least it wasn’t Christmas Day!).  My main job is as a mum to two very energetic little girls, but I also work 3 days a week for Staffordshire County Council doing data collection and analysis (which is honestly not as boring as it sounds!)

 

When you are not a very busy mum (if ever) what do you like to do? …your personal Indulgence?

Well, I have very little time for indulgences at the moment, but my idea of heaven is a good book and a nice bottle of wine!  I used to read a lot but children got in the way so I don’t read much nowadays.  I enjoy baking, which is good because it’s something I can do with the kids, and am going to start a sugarcraft course in the new year.

 

Have you a very different life now to pre mum? Have you any stories about places you have been to or famous people you met, or related to?

The main difference in my life now is the lack of time – I seem to be forever rushing round and doing half a job on things!  I really don’t know what I did with my time or money before I had children.  Pre-children I went to the cinema and theatre a lot, don’t really get much time for that now.  Famous people…I have met Robbie Williams many years ago, I was very young and got very shy and tongue-tied.  Unfortunately though I have never met the rest of Take That!

 

When the girls grow up a bit more, and you have more time have you any plans?

I would like to take a few holidays in more interesting places – I would love to visit Egypt one day.

 

Are you a hoarder or a de-clutterer?

Definitely a de-clutterer – unfortunately my husband is a hoarder and my children are just messy, so I am unable to create the Zen, clutter-free environment I would like to live in!!

 

Anything about motherhood you would like to share? What has been the best tip you were given that you would pass on to others?

It’s a cliché but you really should enjoy every moment because it absolutely flies by.

Also, bedtime routines are invaluable – my first daughter had colic, and we spent three months walking endlessly up and down between 6pm and 10pm every single night.  Somebody suggested a bedtime routine – as soon as we introduced one (bath, story, feed, bed), we got our evenings back.  

My tip would be go to music classes with Joan! – my eldest has learnt so much through the classes – colours, shapes, numbers, all about rhythm, it really has helped her development so much.

 

Whats your loves…. Whats your hates

Loves… Books, chocolate, Grey’s Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, Audrey Hepburn films (especially Sabrina), theatre, sleep.

Hates… Rudeness -no excuse for it, it costs nothing to be civil!  Also, I have developed a hatred of The Wacky Warehouse  (more specifically, birthday parties at the Wacky Warehouse!) over the last couple of years.

 

And finally …. Where do you shop (I don’t mean Tescos or Asda) …I mean when you go Christmas shopping…anywhere in particular worth a visit? And where is a great place to take kids (other than music with mummy of course!!)

The Trafford Centre is brilliant for shopping – although gets very busy in the run up to Christmas.

Amerton Farm is always good for the kids – the playbarn there is great.  Splash Landings at Alton Towers is also a great swimming pool for little ones.